


fill my ears with static (and choke me with wine)

by swoonzi



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, also potty mouth jihoon because i love to curse, i have a thing for insecure jihoon, idolverse, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-04
Updated: 2016-05-04
Packaged: 2018-06-06 07:09:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6744505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/swoonzi/pseuds/swoonzi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>jihoon degrades himself too frequently to keep track of; soonyoung doesn't want to hear another word.</p>
            </blockquote>





	fill my ears with static (and choke me with wine)

**Author's Note:**

> this is a lot less angsty than the title suggests.

     jihoon is eager and greedy for admirable work, not attention. when interviewers compliment his work, especially mentioning his boundless string of talents at such a young age, jihoon cannot help but flush to the tips of his ears as he stays squirming uncomfortably in his seat, face scrunched in denial.

     back at the practice rooms, jihoon storms to his recording studio, locks himself in, and damns himself for all he's worth. a mantra of excreting words blare through the supposedly, 'sound proof' walls, and jeonghan has to rush to cover chan's ears. jihoon calls himself tainted, soonyoung says so otherwise. cultivating, enticing, ethereal, impeccable, and so much more is what soonyoung hums in jihoon's ear as they lay side by side, legs intertwined, within the confinements of their shared bed.

     a thick white duvet that soonyoung chose for their mutual comfort, engulfs them both, and soonyoung takes notice how jihoon's breath hitches and voice softens but holds a more hardened tone when soonyoung mentions jihoon's work, or producing in general. jihoon grows ever more ecstatic discussing soonyoung's plans for upcoming choreographies. jihoon's just like that, detaches himself when spotlight hits him up front. soonyoung doesn't mind mindlessly rambling about new ideas and company gossip as long as jihoon feels comfortable, as he should always be.

     jihoon manages to stifle an upcoming laugh as soonyoung mentions walking in on both seungkwan and seokmin extremely flustered, on call with ryeowook, a previously aquatinted sunbae, to vote for "예쁘다" on nearing award shows without sounding desperate. jihoon's snicker is raspy and soonyoung slides his hands across the other's cheek, deep in concern. 

     "jihoon, you've been eating right?" soonyoung slides closer and jihoon slightly pushes away, noting his growing discomfort. soonyoung nudges past this one time and brushes against jihoon's small waist.

     "jihoon... answer my question." soonyoung raises his voice, tone setting dominance.

     "yes, i've been eating soonyoung." jihoon replies meekly, eyes gawking away from the other.

     "what did you eat today, love?" soonyoung states the pet name with easy effort and jihoon shivers.

     "um, seungcheol brought me like four granola bars today? i had like two bottles of water... soonyoung cut this bullshit out... really..." soonyoung notes that jihoon's about to flip his shit but he can't let this slide.

     "jihoon you have to stop doing this. the 'i hate myself' thing. don't give me that 'just trying to be humble' bullshit either, you hear? god damn, why the fuck do you do this yourself?"

     "because, soonyoung, because i have this fucking pressure okay? like okay, i give you credit, you give us amazing choreographies but i... i have this, agh fuck! it's just i don't like this producing jazz and how people could ever think my work is presentable? like that fucking interviewer today? fucking hated him. young and talented my ass, i could have added better transitions and effort into that song, soonyoung. if i... if i had more time i could make it better... i could every single fucking thing better... fuck i just hate this whole idol bullshit and looking snazzy bullshit? fuck, it's just getting to my head, like really, i'm not fucking good enough." jihoon's heavily panting and soonyoung hold's droopy eyes in disappoint and displeasure.

     "love, you're the most beautiful person i know. fuck, jihoon, you make our group what it is today. you hear the news? we sold over 180,000 albums in a week. a god damn week. only groups like bigbang, exo, yeah you know, those groups, have managed to do that. it's all in your head, baby, you're pulling us up there." soonyoung beams with pride and jihoon has to give it to him there, that's some amazing shit. it's all so new and unfamiliar to him. jihoon steps from under the heated duvet to reach his clothing drawer, returning with a small leather notebook, hands fumbling to open it. jihoon skips to a page filled with near scrawly handwriting and urges soonyoung to grab it. coral blush tinting his cheeks, he leaves the room heading towards the restroom, muttering for soonyoung to read the page.

     "i hope that these thoughts are only temporary. they create a static boundary around all my dysfunctional parts; preserve them and attain them raw. there are abrupt moments where i feel like everything's a blur, a buzz ringing like a persistent hangover. everything i speak of is toxic waste that transmits throughout my body and i believe that this is the reasons of my constant rambling. even now so, i don't keep mind of what i say, as words that i don't deliberately mean, escape through the quiver of my lips. i don't believe in reincarnation but i believe in pure longing and lust that feels the same as the feeling of being reborn. bodies colliding and a trail of kisses along the neck; marked with rosy tint. as i said before, that's a feeling i believe in but can strongly conclude i will never feel. why? because i know by the time i muster enough courage to even say words of adoration to another, i'll be long gone. i don't believe in life after the age of 40. i am only of a young age and i believe that death is the most beautiful ballad to my ears. i dance to a waltz of my grief and sing a sonnet of whaling pain. i don't know the reason of these words. i am so pitiful writing like this, i fell in love with someone i that perhaps wasn't meant for me to love, I bid farewell." soonyoung traces his fingers through the loops and connections of jihoon's handwriting and feels himself choking up. he gently calls for jihoon to come back and in and in what seems like an infinite, soonyoung kisses a minute burden off of jihoon's back. unrequited love, being fulfilled.

     "soonyoung, i think i'm getting high off of you. you're so addicting, fuck."

     "why don't i become your personal rehab to loving yourself as well then, love?"

**Author's Note:**

> i'm a slut for hurt/comfort u_u.


End file.
